What is your Enemy?

[xNuminousx]

I relate to this so much. I completely understand what its like to not feel super confident in front of your friends, which is sometimes the worst thing about it all, you know they probably would accept you anyway but your brain says "Sorry there, you gotta get it together, they are gonna do something bad to you if you act like this in front of them"

Exactly. I feel as though my case is sort of unusual.. Like for some people (AKA most of the stories I've heard) people will come out to their friends (Not just sexually, any sort of way. Like the music you like or a way you feel. Any sort of coming out) and then there will be a "high" or whatever where they get a super boost of confidence and just feel so accepted and loved and free to do whatever they want. Well that didn't happen to me. Even though they know everything about me I still feel the need to hide myself away. Even though they told me how acceptive they are of whoever I am, I still feel like they'll not like me.

I am my own worst enemy.

 

[MeskenasBoii]

Weird how this threads let us open more to these things we barely talk about. I would give thanks to owlcool for giving an opportunity/chance for me to express myself about the inner issues and secrets or ish.

 

[MeskenasBoii]

I wish people at my area and society were more open to talk about homosexuality open mindedly, instead of the topic just being left taboo or bashed with hate.

 

[owlcool]

Exactly. I feel as though my case is sort of unusual.. Like for some people (AKA most of the stories I've heard) people will come out to their friends (Not just sexually, any sort of way. Like the music you like or a way you feel. Any sort of coming out) and then there will be a "high" or whatever where they get a super boost of confidence and just feel so accepted and loved and free to do whatever they want. Well that didn't happen to me. Even though they know everything about me I still feel the need to hide myself away. Even though they told me how acceptive they are of whoever I am, I still feel like they'll not like me.

I am my own worst enemy.

Who knows, maybe after gathering your thoughts on this you will actually get that high.

Weird how this threads let us open more to these things we barely talk about. I would give thanks to owlcool for giving an opportunity/chance for me to express myself about the inner issues and secrets or ish.

You are welcome, on a side note I would actually get embarressed if someone actually went out of their way to thank me or compliment me in real life.

I wish people at my area and society were more open to talk about homosexuality open mindedly, instead of the topic just being left taboo or bashed with hate.

I feel like that depends on the location and culture of the area, along with the people in the immediate vicinity. Where do you live?
For example, at my school it isn't uncommon for people to use bigoted cuss words or draw swasticas, hell, my neighbor(who is a sophomore in High school) carries a Confederate flag and flips the school bus off when he gets off of it.
However, I don't think this is generally the case, as I live in a Conservative, Religious area.

 

[xNuminousx]

Who knows, maybe after gathering your thoughts on this you will actually get that high.

I don't believe I'll experience this high until I'm older. I'll know when the opportunity comes.

side note I would actually get embarressed if someone actually went out of their way to thank me or compliment me in real life.

I do too.

I live in a Conservative, Religious area.

I do as well. My whole family is of conservative background and I seem to be the only person in my entire family that's breaking boundaries, just in secret. I don't know a single person in my family who is breaking their stereotype. Maybe my nephew who has long hair, but that's it. My family is absolutely no help when it comes to my issues. I've tried opening up to them before and I see little to no progress. It always comes out to "Get over it" of some sort. They're good people who love god but don't realize what they're doing. They know how to have a good time and love one another, but when it comes to things outside of their realm of understanding it just blows their world to smithereens and they combat that by unintentionally being harsh. I believe if they knew the effect of what they were doing, they'd be nicer. But I'm just not confident enough in my self to show them this path to kindness.

 

[MeskenasBoii]

I do have a enemy of my own that ruined a beloved a video game franchise, similar to what @xNuminousx describe the feeling regarding towards PK. I more hate on the company that is a cash grabbing cow and don't really care about the beloved fans.

 

[xNuminousx]

I do have a enemy of my own that ruined a beloved a video game franchise, similar to what @xNuminousx describe the feeling regarding towards PK. I more hate on the company that is a cash grabbing cow and don't really care about the beloved fans.

Mind if I ask what game?

 

[MeskenasBoii]

The Sims Series. They're ruing the current iteration due to picking such a weak engige when they started developing, game is buggy (to some unbreakable), the new additions/mechanics are very flawed, they make-up lousy excuses over things they omitted and the "vision" their taking, and the dlc is riduciously overpricy for what it's worth.

 

[xNuminousx]

Ooh I see. I figured that's what you meant but I haven't played it all that much.

I have looked into it before and their prices are pretty ridiculous...

 

[MeskenasBoii]

Yeah. It used to be a Life Simulator, but their turning it into a FASHION simulator. That's quite insulting, especally when they out of random decided such a game genre should be catered to a specific demogracy: teenage girls. They miss out alot by taking that kind of perception. The Game was so board that it used to cater to all players of varies playstyle lovers. Now all your left is just creating pixelated people with advance CAS (create-a-sim).

 

[Timothy Rossin]

In a way, ProjectKorra is my enemy.

Not in the sense that it intentionally harms me or anything, it's just my own personal tether to ProjectKorra that happens to be my enemy. For starters, it consumes most of my time. What do I do when I get home? I check ProjectKorra. After that? I check ProjectKorra Trello. After that? I check ProjectKorra GitHub. After that? I go back to ProjectKorra forums to see if anything changes in the minute I was gone. After that? I play a ProjectKorra server. After that? I open eclipse to work on a ProjectKorra project of some sort.

Now, that's sort of an exaggeration. Yes, a lot (if not most) of my time is spent doing something ProjectKorra related, but that's not ALL I do. Like I recently picked up piano again; I haven't played for a few years now. I'm sending in college applications and registering for SATs. I'm in Astronomy, Calculus, AP Government, English 4 and Choir in school. I'll probably be involved in theatre productions later this year. So, this just shows that although I do other things, my "free" time is defined by ProjectKorra. What do I do when I'm not doing school work or other hobbies? Checking on ProjectKorra.

So I'd say in this situation, my biggest enemy is myself (which is what this thread should be about (Not me but the enemy that is yourself)). I attempted to take a break from ProjectKorra a while back but... Guess what I did.... I just joined while logged off my account... That was my definition of a break from ProjectKorra apparently.

Call me obsessed if you want, you're probably right. I just don't have anything else in my life to fill that empty space of purpose right now. I have no distractions. The teachers in my school don't care enough to make things difficult, the piano is fun but I can only focus on it for moments at a time, and I'm sure college will take up more time but who knows. When I moved up to High School from Middle School I thought it'd be 10x different and 5x harder like all the teachers in Middle School kept telling us, but they were wrong. In the time before I found ProjectKorra, I was invested into a server. I maintained a server and that's what filled this void. With ProjectKorra, the void couldn't take anymore space so now that's why the server is no longer with us.

I know I may seem somewhat negative, aggressive or defensive on here. It's not coming from a place of negativity, but rather the opposite. It's coming from a place of deep care. I've spent so much time here, more than I'm comfortable with admitting; but it's happened and it's real. I'm already in head deep so there's no turning back now.

In my perspective your not obsessed at all since I’m just like you but I want to do it myself I do what I enjoy and what I think is fun. No one in 9th grade still plays Minecraft and no one is on projectkorra or there are these 2 prople but they are like hypixel nerds you offend hypixel they will punch its just like no hypixel no life but I play on diffrent servers every now and then. I think that it’s fine to be “obsessed” which your still not since it’s your choice and you CAN stop anytime you want to but you just well don’t want to, but think about it your “enemy” is your source of giving people joy with your pk add on abilities and people are happy to see that basically every few days we have this awesome guy xNuminousx that works and does his awesome job for all of us in the Projectkorra community. When I’m on project korra I feel well “Home.”

So xNuminousx you da best

Thanks for spirits btw <3

 

[owlcool]

I don't believe I'll experience this high until I'm older. I'll know when the opportunity comes.

I just like to point out that I think that you shouldn't wait for an opportunity to be yourself unless you know when that opportunity is coming. You can stay healthy and happy while being obsessed with something as extreme as maids as long as you know you have an opportunity to express it at some point, whether it be at a convention or at a party.

I do too.

We could both turn out to become tsunderes! Just kidding, but that would be funny. We are pretty similar, as we are both 17 year old males on Projectkorra with an interest in programming.
Edit: There is actually an anime character like what I was describing from the anime "The Pet Girl of Sakurasou" named Ryuunosuke Akasaka.

I do as well. My whole family is of conservative background and I seem to be the only person in my entire family that's breaking boundaries, just in secret. I don't know a single person in my family who is breaking their stereotype. Maybe my nephew who has long hair, but that's it. My family is absolutely no help when it comes to my issues. I've tried opening up to them before and I see little to no progress. It always comes out to "Get over it" of some sort. They're good people who love god but don't realize what they're doing. They know how to have a good time and love one another, but when it comes to things outside of their realm of understanding it just blows their world to smithereens and they combat that by unintentionally being harsh. I believe if they knew the effect of what they were doing, they'd be nicer. But I'm just not confident enough in my self to show them this path to kindness.

Yeah, stingy people are the worst. That is probably one of few areas where society is consistent.

In my perspective your not obsessed at all since I’m just like you but I want to do it myself I do what I enjoy and what I think is fun. No one in 9th grade still plays Minecraft and no one is on projectkorra or there are these 2 prople but they are like hypixel nerds you offend hypixel they will punch its just like no hypixel no life but I play on diffrent servers every now and then. I think that it’s fine to be “obsessed” which your still not since it’s your choice and you CAN stop anytime you want to but you just well don’t want to, but think about it your “enemy” is your source of giving people joy with your pk add on abilities and people are happy to see that basically every few days we have this awesome guy xNuminousx that works and does his awesome job for all of us in the Projectkorra community. When I’m on project korra I feel well “Home.”

So xNuminousx you da best

Thanks for spirits btw <3

Yeah, I honestly think that xNuminousx has practically already defeated their enemy unless they are hiding something major. Who knows, maybe xNuminousx used to be a hitman and doesn't get close to people in fear of them finding out and attempting to kill them first. I am just kidding for the most part, but people can easily, whether intentionally or unintentionally, hide their real enemy if they don't reveal aspects of their life that affect their personality and experiences, and we usually can't help them find a way to defeat their enemy. I am saying this last bit for everyone that doesn't comment on this thread or hide things when they comment, not just xNuminousx.

 

[xNuminousx]

eah, I honestly think that xNuminousx has practically already defeated their enemy unless they are hiding something major

I may be self aware but I don’t think that is equivalent to defeat. Although I know what’s happening here and I recognize it, it still haunts me because of my lack to do something about it. I just don’t feel ready to confront the deepest parts of myself yet.

And that’s what I meant about knowing when the opportunity comes. Right now I’m surrounded by people who mostly think of themselves and not the delicate feelings around them. That’s not the audience I plan to express myself. I won’t express myself around people who will constantly put me down for it. When I find a place in my life where I surround myself with people who are worthy of me, then I will be unapologetically me. That is the opportunity I’m waiting for. I will not intentionally subject myself to the negativity of others, there will be a time in the future where i am surrounded completely by positive, up lifting people. Yes, negative people will still exist and confront me, but they won’t be as prominent as they are right now. I’m in a place right now where I have a roof over my head, food on my plate, and for the time being a family who loves me. I will not chance all that, at least not until I’m comfortable with myself and can support myself. Trying to think about the future and be prepared for it.

Thank you all for your kind words, but I haven’t defeated my enemy. I’m still a ways away.

 

[owlcool]

I may be self aware but I don’t think that is equivalent to defeat. Although I know what’s happening here and I recognize it, it still haunts me because of my lack to do something about it. I just don’t feel ready to confront the deepest parts of myself yet.

And that’s what I meant about knowing when the opportunity comes. Right now I’m surrounded by people who mostly think of themselves and not the delicate feelings around them. That’s not the audience I plan to express myself. I won’t express myself around people who will constantly put me down for it. When I find a place in my life where I surround myself with people who are worthy of me, then I will be unapologetically me. That is the opportunity I’m waiting for. I will not intentionally subject myself to the negativity of others, there will be a time in the future where i am surrounded completely by positive, up lifting people. Yes, negative people will still exist and confront me, but they won’t be as prominent as they are right now. I’m in a place right now where I have a roof over my head, food on my plate, and for the time being a family who loves me. I will not chance all that, at least not until I’m comfortable with myself and can support myself. Trying to think about the future and be prepared for it.

Thank you all for your kind words, but I haven’t defeated my enemy. I’m still a ways away.

It is a good thing that you have identified a more prominent enemy than ProjectKorra, then, although I am not sure what exactly it is. I would hope that this wasn't the case, but is your presence on ProjectKorra part of this enemy?

 

[xNuminousx]

It is a good thing that you have identified a more prominent enemy than ProjectKorra, then, although I am not sure what exactly it is. I would hope that this wasn't the case, but is your presence on ProjectKorra part of this enemy?

Oh no, I moved from the ProjectKorra post a while ago lol

 

[owlcool]

Oh no, I moved from the ProjectKorra post a while ago lol

Well in any case, what is your true enemy?

 

[xNuminousx]

Well in any case, what is your true enemy?

I may be self aware but I don’t think that is equivalent to defeat. Although I know what’s happening here and I recognize it, it still haunts me because of my lack to do something about it. I just don’t feel ready to confront the deepest parts of myself yet.

And that’s what I meant about knowing when the opportunity comes. Right now I’m surrounded by people who mostly think of themselves and not the delicate feelings around them. That’s not the audience I plan to express myself. I won’t express myself around people who will constantly put me down for it. When I find a place in my life where I surround myself with people who are worthy of me, then I will be unapologetically me. That is the opportunity I’m waiting for. I will not intentionally subject myself to the negativity of others, there will be a time in the future where i am surrounded completely by positive, up lifting people. Yes, negative people will still exist and confront me, but they won’t be as prominent as they are right now. I’m in a place right now where I have a roof over my head, food on my plate, and for the time being a family who loves me. I will not chance all that, at least not until I’m comfortable with myself and can support myself. Trying to think about the future and be prepared for it.

Thank you all for your kind words, but I haven’t defeated my enemy. I’m still a ways away.

 

[xNuminousx]

Who freaking said they don’t have an enemy? I’d like to know their secret to life.

 

[MeskenasBoii]

Same.

 

[owlcool]

Then your enemy is instability, xNuminousx. To battle your enemy, how about you try and do some freelancing programming work, or at least work towards doing that? For starters, if you haven't already, make a LinkedIn account. The point you can say you have defeated your enemy is the point at which you can move into an apartment and survive off of freelancing.